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HOW TO MAKE ANY RELATIONSHIP WORK.

HOW TO MAKE ANY RELATIONSHIP WORK.
Are you having trouble with your sweetie, or just wanting to spice up your healthy relationship? Relationships require time and effort, whether your love is on the rocks or you're on cloud nine. If you're willing to put in the work, these easy tips can help you take your love to a new level.

1. Figure out if your relationship is worth saving. The sad truth is that many relationships have passed their expiration date--if you try to save them, you'll just end up getting hurt. There is no easy trick to answering this question; you'll know in your heart if you're with "the one" or just "the one I've been dating for five years so I might as well stick with it." Here are some red flags to let you know that your relationship may be approaching a dead end:
   
   
   
   • If one or both of you have a history of being unfaithful to each other, then the damage you have done may be beyond repair.
     
     
     
   • If you find yourself constantly attracted to other people, or even fantasizing about dating another person, then you may have lost that feeling for your current love interest.
     
     
     
   • If you suspect your loved one just doesn't make you want to be a better person. If nothing about the relationship makes you want to grow, then you may have become too complacent for that spark to stay lit.
     
     
     
   • If you're in the relationship because you're afraid to be alone or because you don't think you can do much better. This is a sign that you feel more anxiety than love.
     
     
     
   • If you refuse to ever leave your significant other because "it would hurt him/her too much." The longer you wait to call it off, the more hurt your loved one will be, and if you know it just doesn't feel right, then you're not doing your significant other any favors by sticking around.
     
     
     
   • If you are afraid to introduce your significant other to new friends or family members because you're worried they won't get along. Do you really want to date someone you can't show off to your friends and family? It's one thing if your significant other is just shy, but if he or she can't get along with anyone else in your life, it can be a deal-breaker.
     
     
     
2. 2
   Look through the windshield, not the rearview mirror. In order to move forward in your relationship, you have to absolutely stop obsessing over your loved one's past--as well as your own. If you're too hung up on whether or not he's still gaga over his ex from high school, or if your old ex is dating someone new, then you'll never be able to strengthen your bond.
   
   
   
   • Avoid asking too many questions about your loved one's past relationships, and definitely avoid snooping through his things or looking online for hints about his past. Not only will this make you worried for no reason, but if he finds out, it won't speak well of your confidence for the new relationship.
     
     
     
   • As for your own exes, you don't have to cut off contact with them unless it's necessary, but do try to minimize contact, especially when you're starting a new relationship.
     
     
     
3. 3
   Share your passions. It's important to have common interests other than your love for each other. At first, passion may be enough to keep your love going, but once your relationship matures, it's important to share common interests or activities so that your relationship stays fresh.
   
   
   
   • You should work on sharing hobbies, whether you bake desserts every Sunday, or find a TV show that no one likes but you two.
     
     
     
   • Have a couple culture project. You can decide to watch at least one movie together a week, or have your own mini-book club. That way, you can motivate yourself to learn new things and have something to talk about.
     
     
     
   • Make time for fun for fun's sake. Not everything you do as a couple has to make you more interesting or talented. There's nothing wrong with sharing a pitcher of beer and hitting up a local pool table once in a while.
     
     
     
4. 4
   Share your passions--but not all of them. Though it's important to have shared interests with your loved one, it is just as important to have your own interests.
   
   
   
   • Do you love yoga while he likes swimming at the local pool? Do you like getting together with your girlfriends to dance to 80s music, while he likes meeting his bro-friends at the local bar to watch football? Great! It's important to maintain your own identity while building an identity as a couple.
     
     
     
   • And it's just as important to spend the night with your sweetie hanging out with friends as it is to have some alone time regularly. Both of you absolutely need it in order to maintain your own interests, as well as to realize how grateful you are when that loved one is around.
     
     
     
5. 5
   Learn to compromise. It's important to stand up for what you believe in--but only to a point. If you're sick of sushi but your girlfriend has been dying to try the new Japanese place on date night, give in but ask if you can pick the movie.
   
   
   
   • But always remember that it's important that both people are willing to make a sacrifice. If you find yourself always giving in to your loved one's needs, big or small, it's time to have a talk.
     
     
     
6. 6
   Follow your own pace. The biggest mistake you can make is putting your foot on the gas to catch up with all the speeding cars--you'll end up crashing and burning.
   
   
   
   • Just because your impulsive best friend has shacked up with her boyfriend of three weeks doesn't mean that you and your boyfriend have to go apartment hunting ASAP.
     
     
     
   • Even if all of your friends and their pet fish are getting married, it does not mean that you are ready to take the plunge.
     
     
     
7. 7
   Communication is key. If something is bothering you, it's important to let your loved one know so you can tackle the problem together.
   
   
   
   • Pick the right place and time to have a talk. Even if there's something really important that you want to say to your sweetie that feels like it can't wait, you won't be able to have the conversation you want to have if you try to talk at a loud concert, or the minute after your significant other got some bad news at work. Make sure you are both sitting down and looking at each other to have the conversation to avoid distractions.
     
     
     
   • Use the right tone to get heard. If you begin the conversation in an aggressive manner, your significant other is likely to get defensive. Be as calm and rational as possible, even if you're feeling angry. This will let your significant other actually hear what you have to say.
     
     
     
   • Don't be too confrontational. Try saying, "There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about," instead of, "We have to have a talk--now!" This will still show that what you have to say is important, but will cut down on the drama.
     
     
     
   • Don't let the small things build up. If you want to avoid having big serious talks all the time, remember that if something small ticks you off, you can tell your significant other without making a big deal about it. That way, you can avoid being passive aggressive or having the tension build up, and can move forward while understanding each other's needs.
     
     
     
   • However, it's also important to know when to lay off--if you're bothered because your boyfriend accidentally put your milk away in the cabinet, there's no need to nag him, especially if he's had a rough day.
     
     
     
8. 8
   Even if your love is rock solid, your loved one should not be taken for granted. Remind yourself how lucky you are to have found your soul mate, but that it'll take hard work to make the relationship thrive.
   
   
   
   • No matter how busy your days are, try to find the time to have a conversation when you're both away from your computers, phones, and televisions. It's important to make time for each other even if everything is going well.
     
     
     
   • Do something completely new together as often as you can, whether its taking a dance class or making your own gnocchi, to avoid getting into a rut.
     
     
     
   • Compliment your significant other at least once a day. For bonus points, find something new to say every time!
     
     
     
     

     • Remember, relationships are a two-way street, so there should be two people involved. You both have to actively participate in the relationship and keep it positive to make it the healthiest and best that it can be.
     • Every couple is different. There is no "right" way to make a relationship work (or a wrong way either). Every couple makes up its own love rules, love habits, love routines, love agreements, etc.
     • Do not become completely absorbed in the relationship. Both partners should have their own group of friends, so no one will feel smothered. At the same time, make room for your partner in your life--relationships are all about balance.
     •  You can not beat a good euphonious.

The lesson I learnt from Steve P on

HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR LIFE PURPOSE IN 20 MINS-HAPPY READING!

How do you discover your real purpose in life? I’m not talking about your job, your daily responsibilities, or even your long-term goals. I mean the real reason why you’re here at all — the very reason you exist.
Perhaps you’re a rather nihilistic person who doesn’t believe you have a purpose and that life has no meaning. Doesn’t matter. Not believing that you have a purpose won’t prevent you from discovering it, just as a lack of belief in gravity won’t prevent you from tripping. All that a lack of belief will do is make it take longer, so if you’re one of those people, just change the number 20 in the title of this blog entry to 40 (or 60 if you’re really stubborn). Most likely though if you don’t believe you have a purpose, then you probably won’t believe what I’m saying anyway, but even so, what’s the risk of investing an hour just in case?
Here’s a story about Bruce Lee which sets the stage for this little exercise. A master martial artist asked Bruce to teach him everything Bruce knew about martial arts. Bruce held up two cups, both filled with liquid. “The first cup,” said Bruce, “represents all of your knowledge about martial arts. The second cup represents all of my knowledge about martial arts. If you want to fill your cup with my knowledge, you must first empty your cup of your knowledge.”
If you want to discover your true purpose in life, you must first empty your mind of all the false purposes you’ve been taught (including the idea that you may have no purpose at all).
So how to discover your purpose in life? While there are many ways to do this, some of them fairly involved, here is one of the simplest that anyone can do. The more open you are to this process, and the more you expect it to work, the faster it will work for you. But not being open to it or having doubts about it or thinking it’s an entirely idiotic and meaningless waste of time won’t prevent it from working as long as you stick with it — again, it will just take longer to converge.
Here’s what to do:

1. Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up a word processor where you can type (I prefer the latter because it’s faster).
2. Write at the top, “What is my true purpose in life?”
3. Write an answer (any answer) that pops into your head. It doesn’t have to be a complete sentence. A short phrase is fine.
4. Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose.

That’s it. It doesn’t matter if you’re a counselor or an engineer or a bodybuilder. To some people this exercise will make perfect sense. To others it will seem utterly stupid. Usually it takes 15-20 minutes to clear your head of all the clutter and the social conditioning about what you think your purpose in life is. The false answers will come from your mind and your memories. But when the true answer finally arrives, it will feel like it’s coming to you from a different source entirely.
For those who are very entrenched in low-awareness living, it will take a lot longer to get all the false answers out, possibly more than an hour. But if you persist, after 100 or 200 or maybe even 500 answers, you’ll be struck by the answer that causes you to surge with emotion, the answer that breaks you. If you’ve never done this, it may very well sound silly to you. So let it seem silly, and do it anyway.
As you go through this process, some of your answers will be very similar. You may even re-list previous answers. Then you might head off on a new tangent and generate 10-20 more answers along some other theme. And that’s fine. You can list whatever answer pops into your head as long as you just keep writing.
At some point during the process (typically after about 50-100 answers), you may want to quit and just can’t see it converging. You may feel the urge to get up and make an excuse to do something else. That’s normal. Push past this resistance, and just keep writing. The feeling of resistance will eventually pass.
You may also discover a few answers that seem to give you a mini-surge of emotion, but they don’t quite make you cry — they’re just a bit off. Highlight those answers as you go along, so you can come back to them to generate new permutations. Each reflects a piece of your purpose, but individually they aren’t complete. When you start getting these kinds of answers, it just means you’re getting warm. Keep going.
It’s important to do this alone and with no interruptions. If you’re a nihilist, then feel free to start with the answer, “I don’t have a purpose,” or “Life is meaningless,” and take it from there. If you keep at it, you’ll still eventually converge.
When I did this exercise, it took me about 25 minutes, and I reached my final answer at step 106. Partial pieces of the answer (mini-surges) appeared at steps 17, 39, and 53, and then the bulk of it fell into place and was refined through steps 100-106. I felt the feeling of resistance (wanting to get up and do something else, expecting the process to fail, feeling very impatient and even irritated) around steps 55-60. At step 80 I took a 2-minute break to close my eyes, relax, clear my mind, and to focus on the intention for the answer to come to me — this was helpful as the answers I received after this break began to have greater clarity.
Here was my final answer: to live consciously and courageously, to resonate with love and compassion, to awaken the great spirits within others, and to leave this world in peace.
When you find your own unique answer to the question of why you’re here, you will feel it resonate with you deeply. The words will seem to have a special energy to you, and you will feel that energy whenever you read them.
Discovering your purpose is the easy part. The hard part is keeping it with you on a daily basis and working on yourself to the point where you become that purpose.
If you’re inclined to ask why this little process works, just put that question aside until after you’ve successfully completed it. Once you’ve done that, you’ll probably have your own answer to why it works. Most likely if you ask 10 different people why this works (people who’ve successfully completed it), you’ll get 10 different answers, all filtered through their individual belief systems, and each will contain its own reflection of truth.
Obviously, this process won’t work if you quit before convergence. I’d guesstimate that 80-90% of people should achieve convergence in less than an hour. If you’re really entrenched in your beliefs and resistant to the process, maybe it will take you 5 sessions and 3 hours, but I suspect that such people will simply quit early (like within the first 15 minutes) or won’t even attempt it at all. But if you’re drawn to read this blog (and haven’t been inclined to ban it from your life yet), then it’s doubtful you fall into this group.

 

6 WAYS TO BECOME MORE INTELLIGENT.

Many people were mistakenly taught that intelligence is all about answering tough questions and solving mathematical problems. People who hold such beliefs usually believe that intelligence is measured by a fixed IQ and as a result they don't think that there is any room for improvement.

Many people send me messages asking me about IQ tests because they are wondering how intelligent they are but when you get to know that most of these IQ tests are anything but accurate you will stop using them to measure your intelligence.

Intelligence is about solving your life problems and improving the quality of your life. If a brilliant man hates his job and as a result lives a miserable life then he is not intelligent enough. So how can you become more intelligent?

6 ways to improve your intelligence!

• 1) Believe that it is possible and develop courage: You will need to tell your subconscious mind that you can be more intelligent than you already is.You might be wondering what does courage has to do with intelligence but in fact that they are strongly correlated. Lack of courage forces people to engage into self deception and the development of false beliefs. If Instead of believing that he is responsible for his life a person believed that he is unlucky he will live a miserable life. such a perception problem never changes before a person develops real courage
• 2) Be in charge of your emotions: I have seen many so called brilliant people doing the stupidest things ever just because they were under the influence of certain emotions. Even if you were Einstein you wont be able to use any of your brain power once emotions take control of you.
• 3) Learn to resist peer pressure: I have seen college professor, ministers and popular celebrities doing stupid things just because they were following a certain group of people. under the effect of peer pressure people start to follow the crowd even if they weren't sure what's the right thing to do and as a result you find many intelligent people doing really dumb things.
• 4) Understand that human perception changes: Human perception of others and events is not constant but it changes recording to tens of factors. Without educating yourself about these factors you might fall trap to one of the popular perception mistakes people make. For example, many so called intelligent people lack self confidence because they mistakenly interpret the actions of others. In other words when you don't account for perception mistakes you can see the world from a totally different angle that ruins your life.
• 5) Don't get easily aroused: I see thousands of people spreading images, videos and news online without being sure of its source. After those people do so they get so emotional and start attacking others. Based on these posts more less intelligent people start getting emotional and no one of them is even 50% sure what's going on. In order to be intelligent you need to be wise, calm and not easily aroused.
• 6) Update your knowledge: Grow everyday with the latest knowledge in your field of choice. Researching on the internet will help you a lot. 

Be smarter, yes you can!

As you can see being intelligent is not about getting high grades or earning an academic degree. Even though this is considered one piece of the intelligence puzzle you still need to collect many more pieces before you can say that you are truly intelligent.

HOW-TO Make Money Buying and Reselling Things You Know About!

HOW-TO Make Money Buying and Reselling Things You Know About!

I wanted to share some powerful insights with you today about how you can make serious money buying and reselling almost anything for an exceptional profit!  How in the world is that possible you ask?  It’s actually quite a simple transaction that takes a good bit of patience and practice to master.  Once you have learned how to do it, you can make some extra money to pay down debt, save, give or buy something else you really want!
What does it take?
I have been buying and reselling products for a profit nearly my whole life starting with candy bars in my neighborhood.  I learned that I could buy 5 Nestle Butterfingers® for a $1 at my local grocery store on sale and flip each for $.75 apiece to my neighbors who were more than willing to help a young entrepreneur out ;-)  One of the most important attributes you must possess in order to buy and resell a product for a great profit is a strong knowledge of what the product is worth (its market value).  Why does that matter so much? Because when you know what the product is worth, you know when it is being sold for less than it is worth.  Then you can buy it – and sell it for more (and in many cases MUCH MORE) than you paid for it.
Now I know some of you are thinking to yourself, “DUH Nate! I mean come on dude – everyone knows when something is being sold for less than it is worth”…  On the contrary my friend; in my experience, most people have no idea what 90% of what they buy is actually worth.  I mean they might know approximately what it is worth -- “it’s worth like $20, bro”.  So is it really worth $20?  Or is it worth $10 -- $15 or maybe even $30?  Let me give you an example to drive the point home:
You see the gorgeous compilation of high quality leather and classic design below?

I believe this might be called a purse or something to that affect (forgive my man mind)…
I can tell you with absolute certainty that if I came across this purse at a steep discount from its true value, it wouldn’t matter. I would have NO idea what it was worth.  Not a clue.  I know it is pretty, and most every female in my family would love to own it. If I had to make a guess – I would say it is worth $150 or something like that.  I actually just checked and this puppy sells for $6950. It is highly unlikely that I could ever buy this or any purse for that matter and resell it for a profit, because I don’t possess a strong knowledge of what it is worth.
I can hear even the purse fanatic saying, “Oh my gosh Nate – that is a horrible example.  Most people are not going to know what a purse like that is worth.  I don’t even know anyone that could afford that”. SHAME ON YOU!  Why don’t you know what it is worth?  I mean if I were you, I would make sure I knew what a purse like this is worth, so that when I came across one being sold by and ignorant man at an estate sale I could buy it for like $100 and make a profit equal to what you made working your entire first year in college…
So why don’t I become a price expert for high end purses, so when I come across a bargain I can make some good money?  I will tell you it is because I don’t have a passion for fashion!  You see, I don’t have the time or the interest to have a very intimate knowledge of what high end purses are worth.  Maybe you do? It is my (strongly held) opinion that many people have, or could readily develop, the knowledge and passion for a certain product that they could monetize (make money) through buying and reselling.
Show Me How It Works
I love fast cars.  My freshman year of college, I purchased a brand new Ford Mustang.  I paid WAY too much for it (cars do in fact go DOWN in value over time). However, after realizing how much I overpaid for the Mustang, I began learning how to determine what cars were worth so I wouldn’t get burned again in the future. I set out to learn the market value of various years, makes and models cars.  I spent significant time researching car values via the internet, books, magazines, and talking to mechanics and other car enthusiasts.
At some point I realized that I had a very strong knowledge of what a given car was worth.  I could walk into parking lot and look at a given car and predict its market value with serious accuracy (which I would verify by running the KBB on it among other car valuation tools).  Note: I can’t fix a car (although I surround myself with qualified people who can).  I simply know how much they are worth.
I was reading the classifieds in the paper one day and saw a SUPER FAST 1989 Ford Mustang for sale.

I knew that if the car was in good shape it would be worth close to $1600 in my area of the country.  So I drove out and met the guy selling the car.  I negotiated the price, and bought the car for $900. My brother-in-law and I made a few small repairs ($200.00) and cleaned it up.  I had a blast driving it around town for a couple months and then I sold it for $1600 even.
I made a $500 profit simply because I was acutely aware that the car I came across was being sold for less than it was worth.
Sometime after that I bought an old model JMC Jimmy for $600 that was sitting in a neighbor’s yard with a for sale sign on it.
I knew that it was likely worth a couple hundred dollars more than the asking price.  Stephanie and I used it to haul trash to the dump and our gear to play tennis down the road from our house.  I sold it a couple months later within 24 hours, in exactly the same condition I found it, for $900.
Again – I made a $300 profit simply because I knew the product I was looking at was undervalued.
I also have a strong knowledge of how to price many consumer electronics.  I once bought a computer ($5) and LCD monitor ($25) at separate garage sales and resold them together for $300.
I found a fabulous Lexus LS400 (my current daily driver) for several THOUSAND dollars below market value from a car auction. I purchased this car with cash; much of which was from my profits buying and reselling undervalued cars, electronics, stereo equipment etc.
Maybe you have no interest in what a car is worth (well you should at least get a good deal on the one you plan on driving every day!).  However, you could become a price expert for ANY product that you have an interest or passion for.   I talked to a woman the other day that makes $15,000 a year (net) buying and reselling baby clothes online.
On the extreme scale, I have a coworker who buys (cash) real estate and sells it for a profit after reconditioning and holding and the property for 1-2 years.   He only has a strong knowledge of the value of property within his city limits.  He doesn’t try to buy property in markets he doesn’t know or understand.
A few final notes:
Once you have learned the market value of a product you wish to buy and resell, be patient and wait for the right opportunity.  You assuredly aren’t going to have deals jumping in your lap every day, but with a keen eye constantly on the lookout, an opportunity will come your way!

Best Investment You Can Make.

HEAR WEALTH MASTER; Warren Buffett on the Best Investment You Can Make.

Warren Buffett, one of American’s wealthiest people, is famously followed for his investing views and strategies.  And why not?  As chairman of Berkshire Hathaway, Buffett has led his company, through acquisitions and investments, to exponential growth.  A $1,000 investment in Berkshire Hathaway in 1959 is worth $25 million today!
And yet Buffet, known as the “Oracle of Omaha,” is now talking about an investment that is even greater.  During the Q&A session at Berkshire Hathaway’s annual meeting in 2008, Buffett said:

The most important investment you can make is in yourself. Very few people get anything like their potential horsepower translated into the actual horsepower of their output in life. Potential exceeds realization for many people…The best asset is your own self. You can become to an enormous degree the person you want to be.

In an ABC news interview in July of 2009, when asked whether it is still important for families to send their children to college or higher learning, Buffett said:

Generally speaking, investing in yourself is the best thing you can do.  Anything that improves your own talents; nobody can tax it or take it away from you.  They can run up huge deficits and the dollar can become worth far less.  You can have all kinds of things happen.  But if you’ve got talent yourself, and you’ve maximized your talent, you’ve got a tremendous asset that can return ten-fold. 

He went on to say that he doesn’t mean that everyone should go to college.  And he added that learning communication skills are tremendously important for everyone.
Buffett recently appeared in an online animated series called the Secret Millionaire's Club in which he teaches kids about finance and investing.  Appearing on CNBC in July of 2009 to talk about this new venture, Buffett was asked, “What’s your hope that kids will take away from these episodes?”  His reply:

Well, one way or another you develop financial habits when you're very young.  And the habits you develop live with you for the rest of your life.  So if we can get through to some young people that it's better to be a little bit ahead of the game than behind the game, watch out for credit cards.  The most important message is that the best investment you can make is in yourself. Teaching them if something's too good to be true, it probably is, and so on.  If they learn those things the easy way through these stories early on, it may save them learning it the hard way later on.
…Like I said, the most important message you can deliver to a young person is that anything you invest in yourself, you get back ten-fold.  And nobody can tax it away, they can't steal it from you.  So we'll be trying to deliver those messages.  You have to do it with a good story.  They're not going to watch it to get a lecture.  They're going to watch it to get entertained, and in that entertainment we hope there can be a good message.

So, what are some of the best ways you can invest in yourself?
1. Create your own personal development plan.  A good one helps you define your preferred future (your dream life), clarifies your life’s purpose, evaluates your current reality in the basic areas of life (financial, family, career, health, spiritual, etc.), reveals your personal values for each life area (the beliefs that are important to you), sets well-defined goals, and creates a specific plan of action.

2. Be a lifelong learner.  Read good books and resources.  Take classes (formal or informal).  Attend webinars and listen to podcasts. But don’t stop there – you’ve got to apply what you read and hear, and take action! 

3. Surround yourself with people who will help you achieve your goals and dreams.  If you have friends or family who are downers all the time, or who don’t believe in you or your goals, get new ones.  I don’t mean that you replace your friends or family, but find some new ones to add to the mix.  We all need to have positive people in our lives.  And maybe you need a mentor or coach who can help you take action on your goals.

4. Improve your communication skills. Buffett mentioned this in one of the interviews.  Communication skills are extremely important today.  And not just in how to be a great speaker, but also a great listener.

THE AWESOME POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING!!!

                    THE AWESOME POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING!!!
Indeed, some studies show that personality traits like optimism and pessimism can affect many areas of your health and well-being. The positive thinking that typically comes with optimism is a key part of effective stress management. And effective stress management is associated with many health benefits. If you tend to be pessimistic, don't despair — you can learn positive thinking skills. Let's go there..........

 positive thinking and self-talk.

Positive thinking doesn't mean that you keep your head in the sand and ignore life's less pleasant situations. Positive thinking just means that you approach the unpleasantness in a more positive and productive way. You think the best is going to happen, not the worst.
Positive thinking often starts with self-talk. Self-talk is the endless stream of unspoken thoughts that run through your head every day. These automatic thoughts can be positive or negative. Some of your self-talk comes from logic and reason. Other self-talk may arise from misconceptions that you create because of lack of information.
If the thoughts that run through your head are mostly negative, your outlook on life is more likely pessimistic. If your thoughts are mostly positive, you're likely an optimist — someone who practices positive thinking.

The health benefits of positive thinking.

You have probably had someone tell you to "look on the bright side" or to "see the cup as half full." Chances are good that the people who make these comments are positive thinkers. Researchers are finding more and more evidence pointing to the many benefits of optimism and positive thinking.
Such findings suggest that not only are positive thinkers healthier and less stressed, they also have greater overall well-being. According to positive psychology researcher Suzanne Segerstrom, "Setbacks are inherent to almost every worthwhile human activity, and a number of studies show that optimists are in general both psychologically and physiologically healthier."
Even if positive thinking does not come naturally to you, there are plenty of great reasons to start cultivating affirmative thoughts and minimizing negative self-talk.

Positive Thinkers Cope Better With Stress.

When faced with stressful situations, positive thinkers cope more effectively than pessimists. In one study, researchers found that when optimists encounter a disappointment (such as not getting a job or promotion) they are more likely to focus on things they can do to resolve the situation. Rather than dwelling on their frustrations or things that they cannot change, they will devise a plan of action and ask others for assistance and advice. Pessimists, on the other hand, simply assume that the situation is out of their control and there is nothing they can do to change it.

Optimism Can Improve Your Immunity.

In recent years, researchers have found that your mind can have a powerful effect on your body. Immunity is one area where your thoughts and attitudes can have a particularly powerful influence. In one study, researchers found that activation in brain areas associated with negative emotions led to a weaker immune response to a flu vaccine. Researchers Segerstrom and Sephton found that people who were optimistic about a specific and important part of their lives, such as how well they were doing in school, exhibited a stronger immune response than those who had a more negative view of the situation.

Positive Thinking Is Good for Your Health.

Not only can positive thinking impact your ability to cope with stress and your immunity, it also has an impact on your overall well-being. The Mayo Clinic reports a number of health benefits associated with optimism, including a reduced risk of death from cardiovascular problems, less depression, and an increased lifespan. While researchers are not entirely clear on why positive thinking benefits health, some suggest that positive people might lead healthier lifestyles. By coping better with stress and avoiding unhealthy behaviors, they are able to improve their health and well-being.

It Can Make You More Resilient

Resilience refers to our ability to cope with problems. Resilient people are able to face a crisis or trauma with strength and resolve. Rather than falling apart in the face of such stress, they have the ability to carry on and eventually overcome such adversity. It may come as no surprise to learn that positive thinking can play a major role in resilience. When dealing with a challenge, optimists typically look at what they can do to fix the problem. Instead of giving up hope, they marshal their resources and are willing to ask others for help.
Researchers have also found that in the wake of a crisis, such as a terrorist attack or natural disaster, positive thoughts and emotions encourage thriving and provide a sort of buffer against depression among resilient people. Fortunately experts also believe that such positivism and resilience can be cultivated. By nurturing positive emotions, even in the face of terrible events, people can reap both short-term and long-term rewards, including managing stress levels, lessening depression, and building coping skills that will serve them well in the future.

OTHER HEALTH BENEFITS OF POSITIVE THINKING.

• Increased life span
• Lower rates of depression
• Lower levels of distress
• Greater resistance to the common cold
• Better psychological and physical well-being
• Reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease
• Better coping skills during hardships and times of stress

It's unclear why people who engage in positive thinking experience these health benefits. One theory is that having a positive outlook enables you to cope better with stressful situations, which reduces the harmful health effects of stress on your body. It's also thought that positive and optimistic people tend to live healthier lifestyles — they get more physical activity, follow a healthier diet, and don't smoke or drink alcohol in excess.

Identifying negative thinking

Not sure if your self-talk is positive or negative? Here are some common forms of negative self-talk:

• Filtering. You magnify the negative aspects of a situation and filter out all of the positive ones. For example, say you had a great day at work. You completed your tasks ahead of time and were complimented for doing a speedy and thorough job. But you forgot one minor step. That evening, you focus only on your oversight and forget about the compliments you received.
• Personalizing. When something bad occurs, you automatically blame yourself. For example, you hear that an evening out with friends is canceled, and you assume that the change in plans is because no one wanted to be around you.
• Catastrophizing. You automatically anticipate the worst. The drive-through coffee shop gets your order wrong and you automatically think that the rest of your day will be a disaster.
• Polarizing. You see things only as either good or bad, black or white. There is no middle ground. You feel that you have to be perfect or that you're a total failure.

Focusing on positive thinking

You can learn to turn negative thinking into positive thinking. The process is simple, but it does take time and practice — you're creating a new habit, after all. Here are some ways to think and behave in a more positive and optimistic way:

• Identify areas to change. If you want to become more optimistic and engage in more positive thinking, first identify areas of your life that you typically think negatively about, whether it's work, your daily commute or a relationship, for example. You can start small by focusing on one area to approach in a more positive way.
• Check yourself. Periodically during the day, stop and evaluate what you're thinking. If you find that your thoughts are mainly negative, try to find a way to put a positive spin on them.
• Be open to humor. Give yourself permission to smile or laugh, especially during difficult times. Seek humor in everyday happenings. When you can laugh at life, you feel less stressed.
• Follow a healthy lifestyle. Exercise at least three times a week to positively affect mood and reduce stress. Follow a healthy diet to fuel your mind and body. And learn to manage stress.
• Surround yourself with positive people. Make sure those in your life are positive, supportive people you can depend on to give helpful advice and feedback. Negative people may increase your stress level and make you doubt your ability to manage stress in healthy ways.
• Practice positive self-talk. Start by following one simple rule: Don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to anyone else. Be gentle and encouraging with yourself. If a negative thought enters your mind, evaluate it rationally and respond with affirmations of what is good about you.

Here are some examples of negative self-talk and how you can apply a positive thinking twist to them.

Negative self-talk	Positive thinking
I've never done it before.	It's an opportunity to learn something new.
It's too complicated.	I'll tackle it from a different angle.
I don't have the resources.	Necessity is the mother of invention.
I'm too lazy to get this done.	I wasn't able to fit it into my schedule but can re-examine some priorities.
There's no way it will work.	I can try to make it work.
It's too radical a change.	Let's take a chance.
No one bothers to communicate with me.	I'll see if I can open the channels of communication.
I'm not going to get any better at this.	I'll give it another try.

Practicing positive thinking every day

If you tend to have a negative outlook, don't expect to become an optimist overnight. But with practice, eventually your self-talk will contain less self-criticism and more self-acceptance. You may also become less critical of the world around you. Plus, when you share your positive mood and positive experience, both you and those around you enjoy an emotional boost.
Practicing positive self-talk will improve your outlook. When your state of mind is generally optimistic, you're able to handle everyday stress in a more constructive way. That ability may contribute to the widely observed health benefits of positive thinking.

Final Thoughts

Before you put on those rose-colored glasses, it is important to note that positive thinking is not about taking a "Pollyanna" approach to life. In fact, researchers have found that in some instances, optimism might not serve you well. For example, people who are excessively optimistic might overestimate their own abilities and take on more than they can handle, ultimately leading to more stress and anxiety.
Instead of ignoring reality in favor of the silver lining, psychologists suggest that positive thinking centers on such things as a belief in your abilities, a positive approach to challenges, and trying to make the most of bad situations. Bad things will happen. Sometimes you will be disappointed or hurt by the actions of others. This does not mean that the world is out to get you or that all people will let you down. Instead, positive thinkers will look at the situation realistically, search for ways that they can improve the situation, and try to learn from their experiences.
Researchers continue to explore the effects of positive thinking and optimism on health. Health benefits that positive thinking may provide include: